Starting over

3 Tips to Help You Rebuild Your Life After a Loss

There are many women, on social media, that share their experiences of having to start their lives over. In most of these situations, these women had to start over due to divorce, or the death of a spouse. Whatever the situation may be, having to start over is not easy. I know, from personal experience, that it can be extremely challenging when you find yourself in a situation where you feel like everything is different; when everything that was familiar, has become unfamiliar. This is often the result of living in the aftermath of a very significant loss, that left a path of destruction in your life. And so much, of what you had, is now gone.

I had to start over after the loss of a parent, my Dad. This was not only a parent, but also my friend. This loss left a significant emptiness in my life. Not only this, but prior to losing my Dad, my sister and I were his primary caregivers. If you have ever been a caregiver, then you know exactly how hard it can be to provide care for someone that is unwell, and the tremendous toll that it can take on your life and your own health.

In my process of having to start over, I learned a lot. There were three, very specific actions that I took, during this time. These actions helped me to get back up, and to begin again.

1. Reaffirm Your Faith in God

The very first thing that I had to do, before I could do anything else, was to reaffirm my faith in God.

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 

James 1: 3

When trouble comes, our faith is tested. During these times of testing, your true belief in God is revealed. In other words, does your faith in God hold up during times of testing? It requires little effort to believe God when times are good. But what about when times are bad, and you feel that your prayers have not been answered? Do you still believe God? Does your faith remain unshaken?

And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.

Hebrews 12: 27

The loss of a close, loved one, such as parent or child, can definitely test your faith. When I lost my Dad, I was faced with the cold, hard reality that for the rest of my life on this Earth, however much time that may be..that I’ll never see my Dad again. In the face of this, do I really believe that God is a Comforter (2 Corinthians 1: 3)? Do I really believe the scripture that states that we should not grieve as others, who have no hope, because we believe in the resurrection (1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14)? Do I really believe that the time will come when God will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and that there will be no more sorrow, no more death, no more pain (Revelation 21: 4)? Do I really believe that we are crushed, but not broken (2 Corinthians 4: 8-9)? My answer was definitively, yes. Yes; I believe all of these wonderful truths about God, and in His promises. Even when it hurts, I believe. Even when it doesn’t feel good, I believe. In my trials, and in my tests, I still believe God, and in His Word. I just believe.

2. Pray and Trust God

The second thing that I did was to pray, and trust God. Faith is substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. When I had to start over, honestly, I didn’t know what I was going to do, or how I was going to do it. It was just enough to not be swallowed up in my own grief, let alone to have a direction for my life. Not to mention, to even think on how to charter a new course. So, I did what I knew to do…the only thing that I could do, and that was to pray. I literally had to pray my way through. I had to pray through the sadness. I had to pray through the pain. I had to pray through the loss. I had to pray through my weakness. I had to pray through the darkness. The key word here is through. Prayer was the method that I used to reach out to God. In my places of sadness, pain, loss, weakness, and darkness; I reached for Him, and He brought me “through.” Yes, I was in those places, but because God brought me through, I didn’t stay there. He brought me from those places, into His light, love, comfort and provision. God hears and answers prayers. He’ll never leave you, nor forsake you.

through: in at one end, side, or surface and out at the other

dictionary.com

3. Focus on the Positive and not the Negative

Finally, in the process of starting over, I had to focus on the positive, and not the negative. I had to see the opportunity in my loss. Since I had to start over, and rebuild my life, I had the opportunity to build back better. While what I had was good, I was given the opportunity to make it better. I was given the opportunity to build my life more securely on my values, beliefs, dreams and with a stronger faith than I had before. Yes, starting over in the aftermath of a loss, is no doubt a daunting task. But in it, see the opportunity that it presents.